Sr. Anne Frances Le, OP

IMAGINE one night you had a dream. . . .

You were driving to your father's house on a stormy night. You were a little afraid being alone and uncertain of the way to the house, since your father had just moved there. The road was not only unfamiliar, but also narrow and dark with ghastly woods on either side of it. Anything could happen to you on the way before you reached your father's house.

Up ahead in a distance, you saw a figure standing by the roadside wanting to catch a ride. Deep within yourself, you felt sorry for the person being caught in such a nasty weather, but you were nevertheless filled with terror; your heart pounded heavily as though it would leap out from your chest. Who knows what sort of person this might be, whether friend or foe?

Upon nearing the person, you recognized, to your great relief and amazement, it was the Lord Himself who was standing by the roadside. You were overcome with joy and deep gratitude at His timely appearance. Your joy, however, was short-lived. No, the hitch-hiker was indeed the Lord, but precisely because it was the Lord that new fears arose and flashed across your mind's eye.

During those brief seconds before reaching the place where the Lord stood, you pondered whether or not to let him into your car. What if he wanted you to take him somewhere out of your way? You would have to spend extra time in order to accommodate him. What if he wanted to pick up other hitch-hikers on the way? And again, who knows what sort of persons you may encounter? Furthermore, what if he were one of those annoying back-seat drivers who will criticize your driving? Or worst yet, what if he offered to drive? Who knows where he might go and where you would wind up, especially when it was getting late and your father would be expecting you.

All of those thoughts raced across your mind and you approached the Lord who was standing there as if waiting for you. As you looked out the window of your car, you could clearly see the Lord's face which was marked with what seemed to you distress and disappointment, and yet you could see sparks of hope in his eyes.

Just then, your alarm clock sounded . . . .
Reflecting on this "dream," surely we can discern many messages the Lord wants to convey to us about the way we should lead our lives, that is, lives led by the Spirit in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Life, and the spiritual life in particular, oftentimes is compared to a journey such as "a drive to the house of one's father on a stormy night" during which we only fumble for direction, not certain of where we are heading. Because of this uncertainty in our direction, we are easily frightened and become wary during the journey, fearful lest we lose our way and fall prey to those who wish to harm us.

At times when we are uncertain and fearful, we would much appreciate the Lord's presence and guidance through the Spirit. As the dream illustrates, however, we can come to fear the Lord himself just as much as (or perhaps more than) the "foes" we may encounter, for He may inconvenience us and make demands on us. We would, therefore, have reservations about "letting him into our car," that is, letting Him accompany us on our life's journey.

Our first fear may be that if we let the Lord into our car, He may ask us to go the extra mile when we would much rather not. We would have to alter our plans and schedules so as "to take Him where he desired to go." Perhaps in this way, the Lord is challenging us to leave the security of our self-sufficiency and venture into something risky and costly, namely, to form relationships. Entering into relationships all too often means risking injuries, woundedness, rejection - simply put, relationships means vulnerability - when we would much rather be in control of our feelings and actions. The Lord, moreover, may be enjoining upon us to reconcile ourselves with those we are "estranged": uncouth relatives, bothersome neighbors, negligent co-workers, the list goes on.

Furthermore, our fear may also involve the Lord's likelihood of picking up strangers on the way. These "strangers" may be those with whom we would rather not associate or at least keep at arm's length, such as the poor, the marginalized, those racially different, or those we consider inferior to us in whatever way. Thus, in wishing to pick up strangers, the Lord is perhaps calling us to recognize and to embrace all of God's children as our brothers and sisters. The Lord is reminding us of our need to extend our love and concern to all those we may hold a particular prejudice or dislike (cf. Mt 5.44).

Likewise, concerning our fear of Christ's critiquing our driving, it may be indicative of our Pharisaic attitude toward Christ's teachings. Thus in this case, the Lord commands that we duly put into practice all of His teachings no matter how difficult or demanding they may seem. It is as though Christ is calling us to conform our lives not according to the world but in accordance with the spirit (Rm.12.2). We must always let Christ's teachings through the Spirit challenge us to strive towards holiness without ceasing and never to rest content with our righteousness.
As for our fear of Christ's offering to drive, two observations can be made. First of all, our fear signifies our lack of surrender and trust in God. We are not willing to give the controls to God but would rather be in control of our lives. We fail to trust him and are wary of the possible places he may take us where we fear we might not be able to survive, forgetting that the Lord promised that sufficient grace will always be given us (2 Cor. 12.9). In addition, we manifest our distrust in the Lord by looking for reasons to exempt ourselves from attending the Lord as in the dream we give the excuse that our father is expecting us and we do not want to worry him by delaying our arrival.
Secondly, our fear itself may be unfounded, for God respects and honors our freedom too much to "offer to drive," that is, to take control of our life by force or to coerce us into doing his will. The Lord only wishes to accompany us and guide us in taking the right path on our journey; the decision to take which path is always ours to make. St. Augustine affirmed as much in saying that in creating us, God did not need us, but in redeeming us, God requires our cooperation. Our cooperation is precisely a spirit of surrender in which we must ever be open and receptive to the Lord's teachings through the prompting of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Thus, we need not fear that the Lord will offer to drive if we let him into our car, but only surrender to his love.

When our fears overwhelm us, indeed we may not stop "to give the Lord a ride." The dream illustrates our possible rejection of the Lord in the disappointment seen on the Lord's face. This mark of distress and disappointment may be suggestive of the many persons who have passed by the Lord and refused to acknowledge him. Yet every time someone approaches, the Lord is hopeful that he or she will invite Him in and give Him a ride. The Lord is hopeful that we will overcome our fears by surrendering to his all-embracing, merciful love, for love dispels all fears (cf. 1 Jn 4.8).

This brings us to a final and obvious remark: how would you respond, given the same situation? Your reaction -- whether relieved and joyful or sad and rueful --to the fact that the alarm clock sounded just as you approached the Lord perchance provides a clue to your response. However should you respond, let us pray that the sparks of hope in the Lord's eyes will not be in vain.